Watching Dead

I love the Walking Dead television show and for a long time I didn't know why. It's almost as though it defies everything I thought I knew about my own tastes. I constantly rag on shows for being poorly written. In fact, that's usually my main argument. The writing can kill the best of ideas (Giant transforming robots? How could that possibly be bad?), while at the same time it can make masterpieces of the most ridiculous concepts (Toys that come to life when no people are around? What a baby idea for babies. Computer animation? That's like a videogame. Videogames are for babies).

When I read that the Walking Dead's midseason premier pulled in 12.3 million viewers, on a night where it was battling the Grammy Awards no less, I couldn't help but ask myself what the draw was. Is it the horror? No, it's not that scary. There's action, but it's spread thinly between episodes. It strikes me mostly as a drama. A drama with zombies. And not a particularly well written one either, though that has been improving. Almost all the characters started out poorly by either reacting to things unrealistically, or simply not seeing something that was glaringly obvious and would only require a two-year-old's ability to infer (Seriously, Andrea, why are you still boning the one-eyed psychopath with the zombie head collection who tried to kill all of your friends? I'm pretty sure every super-villain cliche was covered in that description. Have you not seen "media" before?). Most of those characters have evolved, maybe because of better writing (But probably because people be gettin' fired like crazy behind the scenes).

Not Andrea though. She still sucks.

The rare instance where a meme is the perfect expository tool.

Go onto any Walking Dead message board (or save yourself the trouble and don't) and you'll see that many fans defend the show, although with one caveat. They'll say something to the effect of, "It's so good. You just have to keep watching past season two." Uh, really? You realize that the show isn't even through with its third season yet, right? Conceding that, yeah, two thirds of the show is bad, is a pretty piss poor way of convincing someone that the show is good. And I've used that argument before too, back when I was trying to figure out why I thought the show was good.

Then I realized that I don't think the show is good. There is nothing particularly special about it. Zombies are a dime a dozen these days (I want to say that Warm Bodies, the zombie romance movie, is the thing that finally jumped the zombie shark, but I'll reserve that ultimate judgement until I see it), and the Walking Dead has the unenviable task of remaining relevant in a sea of zombies and gore. That's a difficult proposition, especially when the characters, even the good ones, kind of suck. But I still love the show, it's one of the few that I actual pencil into my schedule to sit down every Sunday night and watch. So I changed my question from "Why is the Walking Dead a good show" to "Why do I like the Walking Dead." Suddenly the answers come to me so much easier.

Zombies get fucked up.

Everything I've ever wanted in a still shot.

I mean they completely get their shit ruined, zombies and people alike. Every episode.

This show is more violent than most R rated movies, and it isn't afraid to be ballsy with the subject matter. In the first five minutes of the very first episode, a three-year-old zombie girl is shot in the face with a magnum revolver. You know what kind of show you're in for before the opening credits begin to roll. The show goes on to deal with life and death, loss of innocence, adultery, abortion (my two favorite "A" words), betrayal, politics, mental illness, and racism.

Also, zombies get utterly fucking destroyed every episode.

So when I look at it like that, why the hell wouldn't I love the show? Although the characters aren't the best, I respect that the writers are willing to tackle the subject matter that they do. That kind of writing isn't easy and is usually reserved for the internet (AKA the moral black market), but here we have it on a mainstream television show. One that is growing in popularity almost on a weekly basis. Not only do I love watching the show, but I also look forward to jumping onto Facebook when it's over to see what people are saying about it. It's a show that sparks discussion. You can debate why a character made a certain decision, you can speculate about what another character is thinking or just how insane they might be going, or you can say, "Dude, how about that zombie that Michonne cut in half with her samurai sword! Blood and guts everywhere! Let's drink whiskey!!!" Say what you want about the show, but as long as it still tackles this tough subject matter, as long as zombie blood is sprayed liberally at the screen, and, most importantly, as long as it remembers what kind of show it is, I (and apparently millions of others) will continue to tune in week after week.

But the second it forgets its roots (guts?), I'm out.

3 Things I'm Gonna Try that Prove I'm an Idiot

Apparently I just signed a lease on a new apartment. In some circles that means huge life changes, new routines, more free time, and more responsibility. Except I've had all those things already (because I'm an adult), so all it means for me is that I'm gonna drop down a few social classes (which means no, I can't get wasted with you every weekend. I know, it sucks). My bank account will be bleeding more money every month than [menstruation joke deleted].

Wait, this blog has user restrictions?

So what do I do when I already don't really excessively spend? How do I eliminate certain expenditures that crop up every month? What is considered expendable when all the normal expendable things are already expunged from my budget? How many words can I think of that start with ex? To curb the money burning frenzy my new rent is about it create, I've come up with three wild and insanely implausible things that I'm going to attempt in order to save some errant dough. Each more implausible than the last. Excelsior!

3. No more gym

I'm a runner (in that I run, not that I'm good at it), and I like to have a gym membership going so that, rain or shine, I can get my run on. The problem is that gym memberships cost money, and when it comes to being able to run at my convenience or eating a fairly decent meal, 9 times out of 10 I'm gonna take the meal. It doesn't help that I only use the gym for the treadmill. That's right. While my stringy arms continue to dissolve from disuse, I have gladly paid for a type of exercise that has been free to mankind since God had a drunken one night stand with himself and asexually produced the first man a mere six thousand years ago.

Just, you know, ignore those things.

The problem with giving up the gym is that, while it saves me twenty or thirty bucks a month, I'm doing it at the expense of running in warmth. Since I live in/around(/under? GASP!) Chicago, I'm graced with the presence of approximately fourteen months of winter. It should be as simple as buying some cold weather running clothes, but for those of you keeping score, that would cost money. And in this project, costing money is the only no-no. So what's going to happen is that I'm going to try cold weather running once or twice. The first time it will be hard but bearable. The second time it'll be a little bit better. The third time I'm gonna be ready to leave, I'll make any excuse not to, and then I'll sit on the couch eating tacos stuffed with pizza watching reruns of Scrubs on Netflix. 48 hours later I'll die of cardiac arrest and my Mom will throw my torso in the Cal Sag per my request. Don't worry, she and I have already planned this out.

2. Clean clothes? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha no

Provided I survive the no more gym scenario, I'll be left with sweaty running clothes that can't realistically see more than two uses without a wash. I also go through a set of work clothes a day and a set of casual clothes. The washer and dryer are a buck a piece for 35 minutes of use each, so I might be put in twice the money (or at least plus 50%) to get my clothes the wash they deserve. Washing clothes twice a week will leave me with about $6 in washing payments a week. Four weeks a month times 6? That's like 24 bucks. That can almost fill half of my gas tank!

$4 for gas? Sure, now let me hop in my helicopter and fly to one of my ten mansions.

     1. Internet Blackout

Ahhhhhhh! AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Sorry, just the thought of this scares me. Okay, I'm--AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH--better now. I came to what is sure to be this horrible decision as I was looking at my options for internet service providers and realized that picking between them is harder than choosing between dying or spending the rest of my life at a Justin Bieber concert. So my brilliant idea was to see if I could go a month without the internet readily at my disposal. I think I can do it. I'll probably be a quivering mess of a human being, a shadow of my former self by the time I'm done--

Yeah, something like that, except less expertly realized and less revolutionary on the special effects front.

--but hey, if it saves me a couple bucks a month, it's worth it, right? What's that old adage? Money is everything and it can especially buy you happiness? But it's not like I plan on going without internet access one hundred percent. I'll still have coffee shops to go to and sit at for hours, just like when I was in college three years ago and--oh no, am I regressing?

All joking aside, I'm looking forward to the new place if only because it means I get my dog back and I don't have to drive forty minutes to get to work. And you're all invited over and encouraged to give me house warming gifts every time you stop by. That's how that works, right?